When I had my first baby, I wasn't very connected to the mom world. I mostly had friends from high school or college, who didn't have babies. The ones who did were just about the same type of mom I was... I wasn't in mom groups like MOPS (which I sincerely thought stood for "Mothers of Preschoolers," meaning mothers of ACTUAL preschoolers... like the kids who are in preschool the year before kindergarten). So I saw nothing wrong with having a c-section because my son was breech. I saw nothing wrong with supplementing with formula when I started to dry up, and I didn't think anything of it when my breast milk was totally dried up at 8 weeks. My second time around, however... I was much more involved.
The second time around, I was on the steering team for MOPS and had been involved for 3 years. I was working in the Children's Ministry department at our church. I took our first son to preschool once a week while pregnant... needless to say, I had lots of mom connections. During the last four years, it has come to my attention that there are quite a few "natural" moms who are all about solely breastfeeding, giving birth naturally without an epidural... and their life just about ends if they end up needing a c-section. They make their own organic baby food and use cloth diapers. They wash their baby's clothes and dishes in separate detergent from the rest of the family's. They do not believe in vaccinations and they often use herbal supplements rather than "normal" medicine whenever possible. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things; those are awesome things to do! Natural moms are fantastic moms: they're doing what is best for their child, and that is awesome! They work so hard to make sure that their kids are happy and healthy!
However, what is NOT ok is this: "natural" moms or other naturalists outwardly saying that "normal" (and I only use the word normal because I don't like the term "unnatural") moms who use formula and disposable diapers and vaccinations are hurting their children. These moms should NOT have guilt over giving their baby a bottle full of formula! When I first gave my first son his first bottle of formula, I didn't think anything of it. I put off giving my second son his first bottle of formula as long as I could. All I could think about was how so many moms I know would gasp in horror if they saw what I was about to do. How could I give my child something like that when he could have something natural? Because that's MY decision for MY child. A friend of mine told me very quietly that she gave her third child formula from birth until she turned one. She was embarrassed... I was so sad for her! There is NOTHING wrong with that! A mother should be able to choose what she thinks is best for her child without feeling bad about it! I also thought it best for me and my child to have a repeat c-section instead of going to Columbus and having a VBAC. That's not what I wanted. My doctor believed that it is safer to do a repeat c-section, so that's what we did. I should not have to defend that decision to several people. I should not have had to hear someone tell me "it's too bad your first baby was breech and this one is head down like normal... you could have had regular births." I did have regular births, and I do not feel as though I missed anything by not having a "normal" birth. No mother should have to listen to criticism for having a c-section or using formula or disposable diapers or giving her child vaccinations. I shouldn't have to see study after study being posted on Facebook or Twitter about such and such University finds that this or that vaccination is linked to Autism or kids' ears falling off. You can find any study to back up any theory you may have. There are risks. However, some of us have decided that the benefits outweigh the risks heavily, and we shouldn't have to feel bad about it.
Have you ever noticed that "normal" moms don't give criticism to "natural" moms? I have never once told someone that they really should just switch to formula, or they should buy jarred baby food because they're missing out on time with their kids by making their own or washing dirty cloth diapers. I would never ever tell someone that they really should vaccinate their child because the child could end up getting a potentially deadly disease that could have been prevented. Every mom knows what's best for THEIR child.
So, to those "normal" moms out there who wash their baby's clothes in regular Tide because why would you use a more gentle detergent if your baby doesn't need it? Rock on.
To the moms who buy jarred baby food and disposable diapers and, GASP, give your baby formula: ROCK ON.
To the moms who chose a repeat c-section instead of having a VBAC, or who chose a first time c-section when she could have spent countless more hours in tremendous pain and labor instead: ROCK. ON.
To the moms whose babies are smothered in kisses and hugs and love, and their babies are happy and healthy, and your house is a mess because you're too busy spending time with your child and what on earth is that smell and where is it coming from?! ROCKK ONNN!!!!
YOU know EXACTLY what is best for YOUR baby. YOUR baby is no worse off than the baby who's being fed organic, home made baby food and is breastfed until they're 16. I bet your kids will be best friends in school and in life. I bet the kid who was raised in cloth diapers and didn't get vaccinated will get sick just as many times as your formula-fed, disposable diapered, had-every-vaccination-there-is kid!
No mom should EVER be made to feel guilty for the decisions that she makes for herself or her child. There is a reason that God made YOU the mother of your baby... because He trusts the decisions that you will make, and He knows that you will do what's best for your sweet sweet baby.
Instead of giving each other grief and criticism, we as moms should be supportive in helping other moms get through this ridiculously hard thing called mother-hood. And I'm not at ALL saying that ALL "natural moms" are guilty of dishing out criticism... they're absolutely not!! I know lots of them who do their own thing and allow me to do my own thing without feeling guilty for it. In fact, one of my best friends is WAY more "natural" than I am, and I love her dearly for it! I love her even more for being supportive of the decisions I make for my children, and for NEVER criticizing me for using formula, disposable diapers, and everything else mentioned above. Instead of labeling ourselves as "naturalists" and "normal," how about we just call ourselves "moms"?
