Ode to the "Normal Mom"

When I had my first baby, I wasn't very connected to the mom world.  I mostly had friends from high school or college, who didn't have babies.  The ones who did were just about the same type of mom I was... I wasn't in mom groups like MOPS (which I sincerely thought stood for "Mothers of Preschoolers," meaning mothers of ACTUAL preschoolers... like the kids who are in preschool the year before kindergarten).  So I saw nothing wrong with having a c-section because my son was breech.  I saw nothing wrong with supplementing with formula when I started to dry up, and I didn't think anything of it when my breast milk was totally dried up at 8 weeks.  My second time around, however... I was much more involved. 

The second time around, I was on the steering team for MOPS and had been involved for 3 years.  I was working in the Children's Ministry department at our church.  I took our first son to preschool once a week while pregnant... needless to say, I had lots of mom connections.  During the last four years, it has come to my attention that there are quite a few "natural" moms who are all about solely breastfeeding, giving birth naturally without an epidural... and their life just about ends if they end up needing a c-section.  They make their own organic baby food and use cloth diapers.  They wash their baby's clothes and dishes in separate detergent from the rest of the family's.  They do not believe in vaccinations and they often use herbal supplements rather than "normal" medicine whenever possible.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things; those are awesome things to do!  Natural moms are fantastic moms: they're doing what is best for their child, and that is awesome!  They work so hard to make sure that their kids are happy and healthy!

However, what is NOT ok is this: "natural" moms or other naturalists outwardly saying that "normal" (and I only use the word normal because I don't like the term "unnatural") moms who use formula and disposable diapers and vaccinations are hurting their children.  These moms should NOT have guilt over giving their baby a bottle full of formula!  When I first gave my first son his first bottle of formula, I didn't think anything of it.  I put off giving my second son his first bottle of formula as long as I could.  All I could think about was how so many moms I know would gasp in horror if they saw what I was about to do.  How could I give my child something like that when he could have something natural?  Because that's MY decision for MY child.  A friend of mine told me very quietly that she gave her third child formula from birth until she turned one.  She was embarrassed... I was so sad for her!  There is NOTHING wrong with that!  A mother should be able to choose what she thinks is best for her child without feeling bad about it!  I also thought it best for me and my child to have a repeat c-section instead of going to Columbus and having a VBAC.  That's not what I wanted.  My doctor believed that it is safer to do a repeat c-section, so that's what we did.  I should not have to defend that decision to several people.  I should not have had to hear someone tell me "it's too bad your first baby was breech and this one is head down like normal... you could have had regular births."  I did have regular births, and I do not feel as though I missed anything by not having a "normal" birth.  No mother should have to listen to criticism for having a c-section or using formula or disposable diapers or giving her child vaccinations.  I shouldn't have to see study after study being posted on Facebook or Twitter about such and such University finds that this or that vaccination is linked to Autism or kids' ears falling off.  You can find any study to back up any theory you may have.  There are risks.  However, some of us have decided that the benefits outweigh the risks heavily, and we shouldn't have to feel bad about it. 

Have you ever noticed that "normal" moms don't give criticism to "natural" moms?  I have never once told someone that they really should just switch to formula, or they should buy jarred baby food because they're missing out on time with their kids by making their own or washing dirty cloth diapers.  I would never ever tell someone that they really should vaccinate their child because the child could end up getting a potentially deadly disease that could have been prevented.  Every mom knows what's best for THEIR child. 

So, to those "normal" moms out there who wash their baby's clothes in regular Tide because why would you use a more gentle detergent if your baby doesn't need it?  Rock on.
To the moms who buy jarred baby food and disposable diapers and, GASP, give your baby formula: ROCK ON.
To the moms who chose a repeat c-section instead of having a VBAC, or who chose a first time c-section when she could have spent countless more hours in tremendous pain and labor instead:  ROCK.  ON.
To the moms whose babies are smothered in kisses and hugs and love, and their babies are happy and healthy, and your house is a mess because you're too busy spending time with your child and what on earth is that smell and where is it coming from?!  ROCKK ONNN!!!! 
YOU know EXACTLY what is best for YOUR baby.  YOUR baby is no worse off than the baby who's being fed organic, home made baby food and is breastfed until they're 16.  I bet your kids will be best friends in school and in life.  I bet the kid who was raised in cloth diapers and didn't get vaccinated will get sick just as many times as your formula-fed, disposable diapered, had-every-vaccination-there-is kid! 

No mom should EVER be made to feel guilty for the decisions that she makes for herself or her child.  There is a reason that God made YOU the mother of your baby... because He trusts the decisions that you will make, and He knows that you will do what's best for your sweet sweet baby.

Instead of giving each other grief and criticism, we as moms should be supportive in helping other moms get through this ridiculously hard thing called mother-hood.  And I'm not at ALL saying that ALL "natural moms" are guilty of dishing out criticism... they're absolutely not!!  I know lots of them who do their own thing and allow me to do my own thing without feeling guilty for it.  In fact, one of my best friends is WAY more "natural" than I am, and I love her dearly for it!  I love her even more for being supportive of the decisions I make for my children, and for NEVER criticizing me for using formula, disposable diapers, and everything else mentioned above.  Instead of labeling ourselves as "naturalists" and "normal," how about we just call ourselves "moms"?    

Crazy Train

     Fall has been good to the Boehm family so far!  We've been to Apple Hill to pick apples and "pick" pumpkins (although I hear that Garden Gate has an actual pumpkin patch to pick your pumpkins from... we may be venturing there next year), and Wayne's to play in their fall barn!  Carter had hay down his diaper and everywhere else you could imagine!  This coming weekend is Aaron's birthday, but the boys and I plan on finding our way to Garden Gate somehow.  ;)  Then the last weekend in October brings trick or treat (twice this year!) and our Halloween party (which we're all excited about!). 

     Carter has been eating less lately, as he just gets bored a little ways through his meal I think.  So tonight I decided that I would try to get him to eat more.  He is in love with trains right now (choo choo trains), so I got his attention by making his fork into a choo choo train... he got all excited and started chugging along with me, doing his choo choo hand motions (kind of like the signal you did for semi trucks to honk when you were a kid).  I then threw a wrench in our fun and told him to open wide because the choo choo had to go into the tunnel... he opened as wide as he could and took the bite with a smile!  We proceeded this until his plate was just about cleaned off.  I was surprised it lasted so long, but was thrilled that he ate all his dinner!  He usually will clean his plate when he has something he absolutely loves, and occasionally will ask for seconds.  For the most part, though, lately he has been eating the thing he likes the most (like the ham from the scalloped potatoes) and leaving the rest.  He has also figured out the phrase "I don't like that" and uses it on quite a few vegetables (even though he likes just about all of them). 

     He has been saying soo many more words and phrases lately.  He just spits stuff out like he's been saying it his whole life, and some of the things are so stinking cute!  Matthew, him and I went outside one day and Matthew got ahead of us going downstairs and outside... Carter ran behind him going "Wait, Matthew!  Wait! I'm comin' I'm comin'!!"  Him and Matthew have been playing a lot together lately, too.  I think Matthew enjoys that Carter is now able to play well and voice what he wants or thinks.  They build towers together with blocks, and Carter talks about how good of a job Matthew is doing building, or how cool the tower looks.  Carter definitely looks up to his big brother!

     Matthew has been doing well, too.  School seems to be going really well, and he has all A's.  He's definitely one smart cookie!  He had a C in science a couple weeks ago, but since then has gotten it up to an A.  He has declared that he no longer likes reading, however I have a feeling he does because I "catch" him reading frequently.  ;)  He hasn't started his Christmas list yet, but I think it's on his list of things to do soon.  He has, however, been helping around the house so he can earn some money.  I think we will make a responsible young man out of him yet!!

Hustle and Bustle

     Oh, my!  It has been over a month since I have updated anything!  The boys are certainly keeping us busy!  Matthew has gobbs of homework each night (well, it just seems like gobbs because it takes him so long to do each assignment... ADHD at its finest!), on top of soccer practice and games.  Thankfully, school is going well.  He has an absolutely AMAZING teacher; she is patient and understanding of his ADHD, and goes out of her way to help him succeed.  God knew exactly who Matthew needed (and I needed him to have to stay sane!) this year.  It's still amazing to me, after all these years, how God's plan is so much better than ours (I had requested a couple of other teachers for Matthew).  He is such a good kid, and an absolutely GREAT big brother!  Someone at church told me that he said he was worried about Carter crying when we dropped him off before the service this last week, and he was totally relieved and happy to see that Carter was playing and having fun when they checked on him in the nursery. 

   
     Carter is becoming more and more independent each day, along with more and more ornery.  He's just so stinking smart and funny that it's impossible to stay mad at him for more than a couple of seconds!  He can count to 16, although he frequently skips 10.  He also knows his basic colors (red, green, blue, yellow, orange, pink, purple, brown, black, white) and all of his letters (sometimes he forgets Q, or mixes it up with O).  His vocabulary expands daily, and his words and sentences are becoming longer and clearer.  Along with his new-found words, he has new adventures.  His newest adventure is jumping off of things... like steps (the bottom step, of course), curbs, and he has that look in his eye like he's going to try to jump off of the couch.  While I get super nervous any time he tries to do something dare-devilish, I also think to myself that there will be bigger, more dangerous things he tries out.  He is definitely our dare-devil... that child does not seem to be afraid of anything!  We went to Lakeside over Labor Day weekend, and we rented a golf cart.  Carter was not impressed with the speed of said golf cart... or I guess I should say the sluggishness of the golf cart.  However, he loved to ride around in it for as long as we would allow!

     We went to Lakeside two years ago, as well, but Carter was a new born so he didn't get to do much.  This time, though, he was able to enjoy everything.  We watched very windy fireworks, but they didn't last long (we're pretty sure they were cut off short... the embers were falling right around where we were sitting rather than over the lake), played at the park, rode around on the golf cart, flew kites and just had a really fun, relaxing time.  Matthew enjoyed this trip just as much as the last!  He rode his bike EVERYWHERE, as there are not many cars (everyone walks, rides bikes or golf carts), and everyone is very conscious of bikers.  He also got to sleep in a room with Grandma and Grandpa Boyd, which I think he was thrilled about.  It was nice to see him have so much fun, but also behave so well.  Shelly (my cousin) would come and pick him up in the morning and take him with her on her morning run (she would run, he would ride his bike).  He absolutely loved that- they went about two miles each morning.  He also got to go for a ride on a small sailboat!  Both boys also loved having their Great Grandpa Boyd there, as they don't get to see him very often, but are both oh-so fond of him.  :)  I was happy to have him there, as well, because he was always there when my family went when I was a kid.  I wish I had the whole family picture to post, but my camera wasn't used when it was taken.  My immediate family (Mom, Dad, John, Liz, Austin, Alex), Grandpa Boyd, Aunt Cheryl, and Shelly and Mark were there with us.  Our whole family definitely looks forward to going back as often as possible.

       Since Labor Day weekend, we've mostly been busy with soccer, school, a few play dates (which Carter LOVES!  And me too!), and just trying to stay sane in all the busyness. 

The Storm Chaser

Carter's Reaction to Thunder

     Carter loves storms.  He frequently looks out the window, stating that he wants to see lightning and hear thunder.  He gets so excited when I tell him a storm is coming, and he climbs up on the back of the couch to watch the storm out of our front window.  Then, if the lightning isn't heavy enough, he knocks on the window and yells "more lightning!!," as though there is someone controlling it.  So this evening, when a storm rolled in, was no different.  He dropped what he was doing when I told him about the lightning and ran to the couch.  He oohed and ahhed and knocked and yelled (for more).  You would think he was at a fireworks show (which, by the way, he is just as passionate about!).  Every time he would see a flash of lightning, he would gasp and look at me with these wide-as-they-can-be bright blue eyes, and his jaw dropped just about to the floor.

Delighted after seeing some lightning

     I don't think I have ever met a toddler who is so in love with storms.  There was even a storm a couple of weeks ago that came at about 6am, which is way before Carter wakes up, and I wasn't sure if it had woken him up... until he called for me in the morning when he woke for the day.  I walked in his room, and he says "lightning all gone?  More lightning!!"  You would think that such a small child would be terrified of storms... as Matthew was afraid of them up until Carter decided that he loves them.  Then I think Matthew must have decided that if a 2 year old can like them, he can too.  In fact, Carter has even lessened my worry when we get a bad one; he has shown me that they really can be a beautiful and interesting thing to watch.  Instead of watching the weather when we get a storm, I watch the wind, thunder and lightning with my baby boy, and remember that God will keep us safe.  It's amazing what these little guys can teach us!

Part of the storm system that Carter and I watched this evening

When Mommy's Away, the Boys will Play

     I experienced my first night away from Carter this past weekend.  Actually, I experienced my first 3 nights away from him.  So not only was it my first time away, it was for 3 nights and 3 1/2 days!  However, I'm not so sure he was counting, and well, Matthew informed me he didn't even think about me after I left (thanks a lot!!).  Boy, kids really know how to make a Mommy feel loved!  :)  They got to play with Daddy and Grandma Boyd all weekend, so they were kept plenty busy.  However, it was nice that Carter did want to talk to me almost every time I called (which was about twice a day... once in the morning and once before bed).  There was one time I called when Elmo was just more important... yeah... that sounds about right (I mean, who doesn't love a red, furry little monster?).  Anyway, we all survived; Mommy enjoyed the MOPS convention in Nashville (quite possibly my favorite city that I've visited so far... although of course Orlando and Cocoa Beach come pretty close), and the three boys enjoyed their time together.  It was hard, though, to not tell Daddy about how he was doing things "wrong"... like putting Carter down for his nap right after lunch instead of waiting until about 2:30 or 3:00, or how he forgot to take more lunch meat out of the freezer when there was just a little bit left in the current package.  In fact, he's lucky that a friend reminded me that just because it's not my way doesn't mean it's the wrong way, and that Daddy's are allowed to do things differently... and everything turned out just fine- Matthew found something else for lunch when Carter finished off the lunch meat, and Carter's nap schedule was not harmed even the slightest little bit.  The house was clean and the dishes were done when I got home; I think Aaron was very proud of himself for such a job well done- and I was proud of him, too!  It's not super easy to take care of both boys, and it's definitely tiring!

     We were back to our normal schedule even yesterday afternoon (except for the nap I had in the evening) right after I got home.  Then today has seemed as though I was never even gone... we went to the pool today (thankfully, there were no near-drowning episodes!) and had lots of fun, then came home and Carter is taking his nap while I type this, then do some work for Thirty-One, then figure out dinner.  I will say, though, that I had a wonderful break... but I am sure glad to be home with my babies!! (Just don't tell Matthew I called him a baby!)

Gotta Start Somewhere

Blogging seems to be the new thing.  I have been writing letters to Carter every few months for him to read when he's older... although I'm quite certain that I'll be the only one interested in reading them.  The boys' lives are just flying by, and I feel like nothing really gets remembered.  There may be pictures that are fun to look at, and videos that are fun to watch (I use the term "fun" loosely when talking about home videos... the majority of them are so boring you can hardly stand it, but you just keep watching because you took them and when you took them you thought "this will be so great to see and remember them when they're like this!" so you if you don't watch them, they'll seem pointless), but I never remember really how I felt.  So I've decided to blog about life in general, and raising my children.  I debated over when to start my blog, thinking "well, I should probably just wait until I get pregnant again, but then I don't want to seem like I'm favoring that child over Carter and Matthew" (if you don't know me very well, know this: I have an unhealthy obsession with everything being the same for every child).  So I decided I would just do it, and there's no time like the present, right?

     So normally Carter sleeps until sometime between 9:00-9:30am, but today he decided to start his day around 6:30am... I assume he thought it was his normal time, but for some reason he was just so darn tired... how do I know this?  He actually admitted to being sleepy when he woke up, and he laid in bed with me for about an hour before even asking for Elmo (we watch Elmo in my/Aaron's bed every morning when he first gets up).  Normally, I am absolutely against having a child sleep in bed with an adult- it's dangerous and the kids get hooked and then don't want to sleep in their own beds and it becomes quite the problem.  However, I assumed there wouldn't be any sleeping and it would be more like Carter crawling all over the bed or watching Elmo.  I don't mind having him in my bed for an hour or less in the mornings... in fact, I love it.  I love every moment I get to spend with him cuddling (although, it's normally him laying in Aaron's spot and me sleeping while he watches his beloved Elmo), so when he actually does want to lay right next to me and cuddle, I welcome it.  And sometimes he will just put his hand on me while I sleep... and there's just something about that that I absolutely love.  I know he's not going to want to want any kind of physical contact in a relatively short amount of time, so I'll take it every chance I can get it, and I definitely savor it.

     Anyway, we went to the pool this afternoon, and all was going well:  Carter is beginning to not freak out when I dunk him under water when he jumps in or jumps up in the air in the pool, so him and I were having fun swimming, and Matthew was having fun swimming with a little boy from swim team.  Carter and I went back to the baby pool, and he was bending over in the deeper part of the baby pool trying to pick something up, when it happened.  He fell over.  The lady next to me (which, thank goodness, was a family friend) and I both waited to see if he would stand up on his own, but he didn't.  He was clearly struggling, trying to swim and trying to stand up, but he just couldn't get his feet on the ground and his head above water.  We both jumped up and ran into the pool and I picked him up... it had only been a couple seconds, I'm sure, but it felt like eternity.  I think I was more scared and freaked out than he was... I just about cried, and felt awful that I didn't jump up right away and go in after him, but I honestly thought he would be able to just stand up.  Seeing him struggle under water for what seemed like such a long time was quite possibly the scariest thing I think I've ever had happen.  Thankfully, I think I was more scarred from the event than he was... he was already talking about playing in the baby pool before we left (which was right after it happened).  Hopefully it helped that he's been going under water a little more each time we go to the pool.  Ugh, it was so awful.

     The rest of our day was great- Matthew and I picked blackberries from some bushes on the edge of our woods, and are planning on making jam with them.  He's so excited to help!  Him and I have also started watching a couple of "The Munsters" episodes and eating popcorn together each night.  He seemed to really be looking forward to it tonight, and I found myself excited for it, too!  :)  I'm happy to be able to have something to share with him... Aaron doesn't like the show, and Carter gets bored with it after one episode usually, so Matthew and I end up watching it by ourselves.  :)  Then bedtime is always a breeze with them... Matthew gets himself ready and goes to bed, and Carter has had the same bedtime routine since he was just a month or so old, so he goes to bed soo easily.  Aaron and I really are blessed to have such wonderful boys.  :)  I'd love to have a little girl, but I would also love to have another little boy.  :)